125 - Getting Out of Your Own Way with Coach Jennie

Have you ever found yourself really excited about something, only to eventually talk yourself out of doing it with questions like 'who the hell are you?'  'Why would you think about doing something like this?' Or a statement of 'you're crazy to believe this will work.'

The good news is that you're not crazy.  We all have that inner voice talking us out of greatness and doing amazing things.  There's just a difference between people who succeed and those who don't.  Those who succeed have learned to turn off the voice.

Coach Jennie, has named this inner voice 'Hilda', and she's been using her with her coaching clients for years.  She has now published a book that talks about the four types of Hilda-isms that we seem to tell ourselves the most.  She came by to talk more in-depth about Hilda!

Everyone has a naysayer in your head ? That will say "Who do you think you are ?", " What if they laugh at you?"  Who is Hilda and does everybody have one?

It is the name I give for the voice in your head, a silly name for the inner critique ,  the saboteur , or the gremlin.  I needed to humanize her as Hilda.

Her whole purpose in life is to make you small as humanly possible, so you don't do what you could do.  She will not allow you to tap into your potential and makes you  hold yourself back. That is Hilda in a nutshell.

I love your analogy, “It's Hilda's job to keep you safe”

HIlda fills your head with negativity.  She convinces you that there is something wrong with you, but she means well  to keep you safe.  She wants to make sure you never fail again, but if you listen that may mean you may never succeed again.

Before we get into Hilda, I admire how began. You were active on Blab for the Research and how you talked with people and began your approach.

Hilda has always been a part of my coaching, it was one of the most popular pieces in my Toolbox with clients.  It was something they instantly heard and laughed about.

Why I did it? I wanted to write about something positive and this was so negative, but it was the stickiest part of coaching and the most impactful.

How I did it?  I used Action Research – an organizational development nerdy thing. Testing hypothesis by asking other people questions, on a high-level overview.

Using different platforms like Blab and Zoom, I created events, coming up with hypothesis and asking other people their perspectives while just being an observer.  I had developed more by asking more and more questions, but  I started to notice patterns . I was constantly testing it,  then coming up with another hypothesis then I would start do another event, to putting in front of focus group, With all this content I realized there are 4 Hildas, research-based with validity to it.  My book became stories to coaching clients to books read with research to back it up.

How did you view of Hilda change from the beginning of the book to the end of the book?

In the beginning of writing the book, I thought I needed a solution to Hilda. I realized the goal should really be to shorten the amount of time that we believe her and shorten the amount of time we base our behavior on her nonsense and the choices we make on that.

Eventually , the more successful you are at conquering HILDA, the more sneaky and sophisticated in the way she comes at you again.  In the book you will read stories of people trying to pitch their first ideas to JJ Abrahms in front of Disney Execs. It doesn't matter where you are in terms of your success, Hilda is always battling you . Even after your success. She comes to you from failure fear or success fear.

We say Hilda is the inner naysayer? Who is she really beyond that?

She is a Demented documentarian.  Collecting every memory since you were born, even everything you observe or even watch on tv.  HIlda will take that memory and apply it to your current feelings and you act accordingly.  She has collected all these things to screen the perfect documentary to make you feel really bad, even nonsensical.

What we have to do is cut it off, let's take the animated cartoon version of Hilda and apply that to our thought to see how ridiculous it is.

How many people do you think have Hilda on auto play?

Everyone. It's a thought in your brain, you ask yourself why would your brain lie to you.  These are your thoughts, so you assume they are.

You need to  recognize the noise in your head doesn't mean its your own truth. I want you to learn to differentiate Hilda's nonsense from your truths faster and faster so those thoughts hold you back a lot less.

What tips and tricks, to stop the time you play in your brain, do you have? How do you decipher , what probably makes sense or should listen to that?

Raise your awareness, 50% of the game is this. The most direct way, is to not judge that thought and write it down on a post it.  Now, imagine your best friend just said it. What would the response be and write it that down.  You will probably have a comeback ready to respond and also write it down.  The more often you do this, the more aware you will become.

Do you find when you write down these things, do you start seeing Hilda saying the same things but at different times and different places?

Yes you will see the pattern.  I categorize it into Four different "BS" beliefs:

I can't

I shouldn't

I don't know

I don't want to

How do you decipher the difference between your gut feeling and knowing your Hilda?

It's fear based, is it a lie or is it true. What am I afraid of? Ask your self this question, then tell yourself what it could bring with the worst case scenario. Now tell yourself what specifically will not success bring. We talk about the fear but we don't go all the way. Now flip the coin to the best case scenario and the success it will bring.  Now you have both sides.  Ask yourself, where do have complete control or no control and  run through the scenarios. Be realistic. Create those data points for yourself. Now go through that process with those data points.  It is a really good tool to get it out of your head. Writing down those worst and best case scenarios will help you,

What did Hilda do to you and how did you get rid of Hilda through this book?

Hilda took me a ride when I made the book. She helped me sabotage myself. She distracted me to procrastinate. She made me convinced myself I'm not a good writer, even bringing back memories of writing College papers.

I usually talked  it through. I shared what was going through my Hilda with others and listened to their responses through Blab and Zoom. I realized my journey was the same as others.

Where can we find more information and your book?

HildatheBook.com is where you can join the "Stop Hilda the Movement.  Find the handy cheat sheet to differentiate between the Four Hilda's.